Below are the 18 most recent journal entries recorded in motel8's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, January 1st, 2008
9:39 pm	i fuckin love envy on the coast (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, March 25th, 2006
8:35 pm	john u could slit my throat and with my last gasping breath i would apologize for bleeding on ur shirt, just slit my throat now and get it over with (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 2nd, 2006
1:12 pm	shoot me! ive always had problems, ive been good at hiding them but eventually someone found out. i guess ive master the art of hidind and lieing. i kinda want someone to find out but i dont want anymore drama. peaple just blow everything out of proportion but i kno that if no one finds out then ill never get help. how do u save urself from urself. (Comment on this)
Friday, February 10th, 2006
12:52 am	im just in one of those moods where you just sit alone in the dark and remember all the bad things that have happened to u in ur life and u just want to run away and cry. also im thinking about everything that ment something to me a year ago is now gone. its that pain that burns at ur soul, and leaves those red puffy scars that stick with u for life. those knots in ur stomach that beg to rip ur insides until u feel like ur dieing and collapse over in pain. you cry until u cant breath and ur head feels like its goin to explode into a million tiny pieces. u'd give anything to hug that person again and NEVER let them go. they haunt ur dreams because u pray ever night that god will take u away from this pain of never seeing the only person who ever truley made u smile when u thought of them. everything around u reminds u of them. u try to place the objects in ur room that use to be theres away, not wanting to get rid of them for good u put them in a closet but it does NO good u just visit the objects time after time and cry. u start to shake because ur entire body is in such AGONY. when u look at pictures of them u try to go off in ur mind and put urself bak in that time. when u look bak at it u truly believe that u felt no pain back then. u discover that that person really was ur entire life. u feel like u cant go on, ur life means nothing now. ur a hollow shell walkin on this earth with the rest of the undead. ur body goes limp and u realize uve died a long time ago and theres no saving you. waiting for ur time, when u can join that person in heaven and ur life has meaning again. what id give to be a child again.even though my childhood was fucked up. to just have the rest of my life ahead of me. to have a purpose in life. to just feel like a human being again. to have concept of life and death. to believe the fairy tales everyone told me. when my biggest fear was haveing to go to bid girl school and not see my mom for 3 hours. and daddy was a super hero that could solve all my problems. when cooties was the worst disease u could have. and poochie made me feel like a million bucks with just one look. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 8th, 2006
8:35 pm	add me add me and whore me http://www.myspace.com/armenianmuffin (Comment on this)
Monday, December 26th, 2005
1:24 am	pooooo christmas f-in sux (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 15th, 2005
3:18 pm	awwwwww omg exams r over, i still have to write my essay. but im just takin my sweet ass time because i really dont want to have to spend time with my family they hate me, i get soooooooooooo depressed around the holidays. please shoot me! (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 8th, 2005
12:08 am	kitty today in lab i cut all the connective tissue off of a cat it was very scary. my teacher encouraged us retards to name our cats too what a wonderful world we live in. im going to go cry myself to sleep now. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 18th, 2005
11:38 pm	IM FUCKED Disorder Rating Paranoid: Very High Schizoid: High Schizotypal: High Antisocial: High Borderline: Very High Histrionic: Very High Narcissistic: High Avoidant: Very High Dependent: Very High Obsessive-Compulsive: High (2 Comments |Comment on this)
10:43 pm	awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ever wanted to know how it feels to not feel hold your breath until u feel like ur going to pass out then breath once and do it again then again until u r so weak u cant think. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 28th, 2005
9:57 pm	noooo i've stopped eating because i can (Comment on this)
Monday, September 26th, 2005
11:13 pm	kiss me i want him to kiss me but i kno he cant, because in unkissable (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 22nd, 2005
11:57 pm	awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww so im in college now. really depressed. have conrol over my life. dont want to be here. my classes suk. john wont talk to me. keep crying. want to go home and sleep in my own bed. feel like dropping out of school and becomeing a massage therapist becuz we all kno what they really do. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 6th, 2005
12:32 pm	ump yea i havent updated in a while but im in college now and last weekend i went to new hamp and i was goin to tell john that i was mad at him and that he had to be nicer to me but instead i apologized for yelling at him on the phone and hooked up with him. Current Mood: confused Current Music: none (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 15th, 2005
8:56 pm	oops i did it again, it felt good, i dont apologize, i dont care if u dont like it and no i dont want to talk about it. Current Mood: relieved Current Music: none (Comment on this)
Monday, May 9th, 2005
11:06 pm	oktay when i look at oktay it makes me cry i wonder what hes doing, if he happy, if he has a gf, if he married, if hes making something of himself, but mostly i just think about if he ever thinks about me. there was this contest for wheel of fortune it was a trip to turkey. not only was it to turkey but it was to istanbul turkey and yes thats where oktay lives. i kno its stupid but i hope i win Current Mood: lonely Current Music: arabic (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 4th, 2005
10:55 pm	ummmm mohamed sucks mohamed didnt care that i paid for him to go to boatcruise he just got offended when i called him an asshole and keeps staring at me everytime he sees me like im going to still stare back i dont even look at him now except when he has a funny petiphile moment or thinks he can get with tiffany ok he can but thats nasty (sorry tiffany i still love u, but u kno) like i said he'll never be as good as oktay in anyway. yet i still cant sleep or get any of my work done and feel like either screaming or crying when i see him or think about him. Current Mood: restless Current Music: dont like anything right now (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 6th, 2005
9:57 pm	blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ok so now that im "in love" again with a very tall muslim boy again all these feelings i had for oktay have come back. like i really like mohamed but i just keep thinking that hes never going to be as good as oktay. like i see him play basketball and i think that oktay could do it better and that oktays way hotter and superior in every way. i still thiunk that in the back of my head that i can still see oktay someday like im going to get this big chance to go to turkey and ill just go to a basketball game, sit in the stands and oktay will see me, come up to me after the game laughing and thinking to himself omg the bitch did it again. then we'll live happily ever after. then reality hits and i realize that when will i ever get a chance to go to turkey of all places and i dont even speak turkish so i cant ask anyone where the gym is. maybe someday i'll find a man "better" than oktay and i can stop haveing these crazy fantisys and start living in this world again i just hope its possible to be able to live without oktay for the rest of my life and after i marry another man if i can go throw with it i dont feel like i had to give siomething up to be with. Current Mood: confused Current Music: jesse mccarthey (1 Comment |Comment on this)